Ever found yourself chasing a thought during oral sex? Perhaps a work email needs responding to, or wondering what to make your friends for dinner tomorrow… all the while, your partner is going down on you, or even while you are going down on them? Don’t worry, we all have. Which is why we want to share with you how meditative mindfulness can improve your oral sex life!
During such an intimate moment it can sometimes be easier to go into autopilot and disassociate from your body. Which is a such shame because kissing, licking and sucking can be such pleasurable acts.
Please note: mindful oral sex is not goal oriented. Putting pressure on a result tends to have the opposite effect, creating more tension in the body and ultimately reducing chance of orgasm.
With technology pervading the bedroom now more than ever, it has been found that 7% of people check their phones during sex. While you may not think that’s huge, I’m pretty sure a majority of us have been tempted to check the stream of flashing notifications, which of course sets our mind running away from the present s-experience.
We suggest banishing your phone from the bedroom (unless it’s to use the MysteryApp to control your Crescendo vibes, of course). Let go of the day, the kids, your job, your troubles…
Become present – when that special someone is making the effort to please you.
Become mindful – when you are pleasing that special someone.
“A key factor in having better sex is actually being there when you’re having it.” – Dr. Marsha Lucas
Mindfulness has been statistically proven to benefit oral sex by making it easier for women to orgasm. Mindful oral sex helps women to:
- really enjoy the moment
- get rid of distractions
- overcome insecurities by letting go of any judgment
- alleviate anxiety
- have more full-body orgasms
Not only does meditation alleviate anxiety, but it also reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, which puts the body into fight or flight mode. When in this state of tension you aren’t going to be able to let go and relax, let alone climax.
“Long-term meditators experience increased cortical gyrification (folding) of the brain’s insula. A study from Dartmouth that found women with more gyrified insula experience more intense orgasms.” – Jeremy Adam Smith
These benefits are not just limited to women though! Mindfulness has also been found to help with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, insecurities around sex and most importantly to help build up sensations. Focused awareness can increase pleasure through the entire body not just the genitals, leading to a more full-body orgasmic experience.
Having a daily meditative practice can certainly improve your ability to becoming more mindful during oral sex.
Ultimately, your mindfulness practice involves bringing attention to the present using an object of focus – usually the breath. Many seasoned meditators practice first thing when they wake up and last thing before they go to sleep. But you can also practice throughout the day. On your commute, lunch break, or at your desk. You can even close your eyes for a few minutes to just check in with yourself.
- Find a comfortable position with your eyes closed.
- Follow your breath without trying to change it.
- Feel the body rise and fall with the breath.
- Focus attention back to the breath anytime you notice your mind wandering.
Don’t worry if you find it difficult at first, know that thoughts will come and go. It’s all about observing those thoughts, and then bringing yourself back to the moment, rather than getting caught up and losing your focus.
Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy and takes years of practice to truly quieten the mind.
When you feel you’ve got the hang of it, you could set a timer for 10-30 mins, and make sure you are somewhere you won’t be disturbed to try these sensory techniques:
- Sight – First take in your surroundings – notice the colours and the shapes – and then close your eyes.
- Sounds – Listen and notice what you hear, close and far away. Let the sounds drift in and out of your consciousness.
- Touch – Take a scan of your body from the tip of your head to your toes. Notice how every part of you feels, both the comfortable and the uncomfortable.
- Breathing – Watch and notice the breath. Count to ten, one on the inhale, two on the exhale, and repeat. Every time you realise you are distracted, go back to the breath.
- Be Present – After a few rounds of breath-work (depending on how long you have) listen to any sounds again, feel the contact of the body and gently open your eyes. Notice how your body feels, how your senses are heightened and you are totally in the moment.
This “Sexual Sensations Exercise” (developed by psychologist Dr Lori Brotto) can improve your ability to be more mindful whilst receiving oral sex.
- Sight – Take in your surroundings. Instead of imagining the last porno you watched, watch your partner between your legs. Closing your eyes or being blindfolded can be just as hot too and heightens your 4 other senses.
- Sound – Hear your own moans and maybe even theirs too – as well as other obvious sexy sounds. Try listening to audio porn when you masturbate to become more aroused by sounds of sex.
Touch – As you have done in the daily practice, body scanning from head to toe will awaken your entire body, spreading pleasure from your core to the very edges.
“Place the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth to bring orgasmic energy into the mouth.” – Psalm Isadora
- Breath – Listen to and follow your breath anytime your brain decides to take a walk down memory lane or onto tomorrow’s lunch.
- Be Present – Your focused attention should be on the sensations happening down there, so relax and enjoy!
Similarly, when giving oral sex, the steps of sight, sound, touch, breath and being present can truly make oral sex a whole lot more pleasurable for you too.
Becoming more mindful will inspire you to be more creative in technique and more attentive to what your partner likes or dislikes, ultimately improving your oral sex life.
- Sight – Look with hungry eyes at their genitals and their body, admiring and taking in the beauty of their genitals for a bit can really build the tension for you both. Let your arousal as you watch them consume you whilst giving them a confident, sultry look which is super sexy.
- Sound – Listen to their breathing change into pants or moans… these sounds after all are a result of you giving them the gift of pleasure. Moaning along with them will indicate mutual excitement and this also adds a subtle vibration to the stimulation.
- Touch – Body scanning your own body to heighten your sensitivity by focusing awareness to all your nerve endings. Use your hands to feel their entire body, light caresses with your nails to deep tissue massages can bring you both into the moment to that specific area you are touching.
- Breath – Anytime your mind wanders, come back to your breath. It is important to breath down there! So do come up for air… But also use your breath to give different sensations to your partner. Try gently blowing on and around their genitals, teasing them with the caress of your breath on their inner thigh before you start using your tongue, adding different sensations to your foreplay and building up the tension.
- Be Present – Your focused attention should be on your own pleasure as well as theirs, so notice what’s happening to your own bodily responses and allow yourself to get lost in the moment of pleasure and excitement you’re both experiencing.
We recently wrote a piece on orgasm denial which you can use as a pleasure building mindfulness exercise. The tease of not letting them come will definitely make you both tune in with each others bodies, keeping you both present and the climax all the more intense! You could even take turns to build up the
Vibrator are also a great addition improving your mindfulness during oral sex as you concentrate on the different areas of arousal on your partners body and adding new sensations to your oral s-experience (it can also help you out when worn out).
Vibrators aren’t only a great addition for vulvas, but wearing Tenuto – the world’s first smart, wearable vibrator – can also turbo charge your oral skills during fellatio!