This is a guest post from Elle Chase, author of Curvy Girl Sex
If you’re like me, you might have grown up having an image in your mind of what a “sexy” body looks like, and that body usually didn’t have stomach rolls or cellulite. That’s not surprising. Beginning at an early age, the messages we’ve received from the media and society tell us that thin, white, European-featured and able-bodied people represent the apex of beauty. If we differ from this stereotype at all – as many of us do – we can end up feeling undesirable, unacknowledged, and unworthy of sex.
No matter your sexuality, what kind of sex you have, or what gender you are, if you identify as fat, zaftig, curvy, plus-size, super size, super-super size or somewhere in between, and you want to have sex, (or even if you don’t feel quite ready for it yet) it’s important to know that you ARE sexy, worthy and deserving of sex. The only difference for plus-size folk is you might have to make some adjustments … you might have to move your fat. There’s no shame in readjusting your fat. I know the idea of this can make some people shudder, but think of it this way, moving your fat is like pulling your hair back to make a ponytail or adjusting your junk in your pants. You’re just manipulating a part of your body in order to be more comfortable, it’s as simple as that.
If I’ve piqued your interest, read on for some basic sex tips and positions to make plus-size (or, really, any size) sex a breeze.
First thing’s first, sex should be consensual. To get clearer on what that means and entails check out this cool graphic on consent brought to you by Planned Parenthood. If you’re having penetrative sex with a partner, please make sure you have enough safer sex materials with you or within arms reach, like condoms, dams and a good body-safe lube, like Sliquid. Lube is an absolute necessity for anal sex, and with penetrative sex, lube can actually make sex easier and more enjoyable as well as help prevent possible micro-tears in the vagina and anus caused by a lot of friction. So don’t skimp on the lubricant, people!
Second of all, if you’re a fan of using sex toys or curious to give them a try, choose ones with curves, bends and/or long handles which make it much easier to navigate over a prodigious stomach or a bountiful butt. For both penises and vaginas, Crescendo is a great option, and its fully flexible shape is great for reaching around curvier bodies. If you’re using a wand vibrator and you have a penis, getting an inexpensive attachment called the “Humming Bird” which has a pliable cylinder on top for the penis (with lube) to slip in and out of could make for masturbatory heaven.
Last but not least, let’s talk pillows. For a person of size, pillows (or even better, something sturdier like the Liberator Wedge, which is made out of industrial foam) are your best friends. For us fat folk simply placing a pillow or two under the receiver’s hips will bring our milkshake closer to the yard (so to speak).
With that in mind, here are four fat-inclusive sex positions to start off with no matter what configuration of genitals you and/or your partner are sporting.
Plus-Size Sex Position 1: Solo Sex
Masturbation gets the sexual juices flowing, helps you get to know your body better and helps you discover how different parts of your body respond to touch. For the plus-size set, one of the most popular positions to masturbate in is on one’s back. When lying down on your back, pop a couple of those pillows under your hips and watch gravity work its magic. Any flowy girth on your stomach recedes in and to the side, making a clearer path for your hand/s or a sex toy to reach the vagina or penis. A word on toys. There’s a cornucopia out there but starting with something like Crescendo will make your solo play all the easier because of its fully flexible shape – no uncomfortable pokey bits receding into your flesh. For better general reach with or without a toy, try a pose called “Fifth Position.” Start by laying on your back, opening your legs and bringing the soles of your feet together (or get as close as you can.) Bringing your feet together in this way opens up the genital area for easier access.
Plus-Size Sex Position 2: Penetrative Sex: Traditional Missionary Position
Traditional Missionary is one of the most popular and versatile positions you can try. It’s achieved by the receiver (the person receiving the penetration) laying on their back, while the giver (the person penetrating) lays on top of them and enters. Just like “Fifth Position,” elevating the plus size receiver’s hips by placing a pillow or two under them, lets tummy flesh fall back making access to the genitals more available. This pillow “trick” will make just about any configuration of giver on top/receiver on the bottom position easy-peasy.
Plus-Size Sex Position 3: Penetrative Sex – Traditional Doggie-Style
Doggie-Style is also a position that can be easily adjusted to make coming from behind more comfortable for some plus-size lovers. Traditional Doggie-Style is defined by the receiver on their hands and knees and the giver kneeling behind them to enter. This position makes it easy for the giver to spread the butt cheeks with their hands if they need better access to the vagina or anus. Instead of supporting their body with their hands, many receivers find it more comfortable to rest on their forearms instead. If back pain tends to be a concern in this position, resting you chest and hugging a couple of those all important pillows for support helps alleviate potential lower lumbar pain. Some receivers with knee pain who would still like to do it from behind, would do well to lay face down placing pillows under their hips. This raises the genital area without having to put pressure on the knees.
Plus-Size Sex Position 4: Penetrative Sex – Receiver on Top
Receiver on Top – traditionally called “Cowgirl” – is when the giver lays on their back while the receiver straddles their hips and lowers themselves down so the giver can enter. A lot of people find that this position is great for deeper penetration and for stimulating the g-spot or the p-spot (prostate) nicely. If the giver has a larger tummy, again using those pillows to prop up the hips works wonders. If the receiver is larger, they are in a great position to hold up their stomach or spread butt cheeks. If sitting upright on your partner is challenging for the receiver, then laying forward onto the giver’s chest while they thrust is not only easier on the back, but can create more intimacy between both of you.
You now have the tools to get you started on your way to having fabulous fat sex. But don’t stop there, don’t let the size of your body stop you from trying any position that floats your boat. You may need to refine the position to better fit your needs, but there’s nothing wrong with that.