Cancer is hard enough on its own, and chemotherapy often brings side effects that affect your sex life. You might notice changes in desire, energy, and comfort - all of which are completely normal. However, going through treatment doesn’t mean intimacy has to end. With the right outlook, and the right support, it’s possible to stay intimate and enjoy sex in new ways.
Chemotherapy can lower your sex drive
While you are on chemotherapy your interest in sex may drop dramatically - for men and women. For some men, testosterone levels drop during treatment, resulting in a lowered interest in sex and difficulty getting and keeping an erection. These effects generally go away after the treatment. If you can't get an erection, consult your doctor, or try erectile aids such as the doctor-designed Tenuto 2, which has been clinically proven to improve erectile strength by up to 2x.
For women, a lower sex drive is also not uncommon. Again, this is temporary and will go away after treatment. It’s common for treatment to affect hormone levels, which can also affect overall energy levels too. The overall loss of energy associated with chemotherapy may also make you less interested in sex. Try experimenting with new forms of intimacy, such as sensual massage, extended foreplay. Try pairing low pressure intimacy with libido supplements or vibrators like the vibrating ring Legato to help improve arousal and sensation for a better sexual response.
Sometimes you may find that your sex drive comes back between treatments. You can learn your pattern and plan accordingly.
Safe sex is important with suppressed immunity
Because chemotherapy suppresses your immune system, it's much more important to practice safe sex. It's recommended to use condoms or dental dams for oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Even if you are with a regular partner you trust. Use dental dams for mouth on vagina or mouth on anus. It’s not recommended to use spermicides on dental dams. You can buy dental dams from a pharmacy.
While it is possible to become pregnant during chemotherapy, it is not advisable due to the risk of harm to the baby. This might sound worrying, but don't let it get in your way. Intimacy just requires a little extra care during this time, and the added boost to your mood can do wonders.
Chemotherapy can change your body and self-esteem
Chemotherapy often comes with visible changes such as hair loss, weight fluctuations, or changes in skin. These shifts can make you feel unattractive or disconnected from your body, as if it no longer feels like your own. Living in a body that feels unfamiliar can be unsettling, and it can take a toll on confidence.
It helps to remember that you can still feel sexy and desired, even during treatment. Wearing lingerie, having at home date nights if energy is too low to go out, or using makeup to highlight your features - like brow pencils for thinning brows - can restore a sense of normalcy and boost self-esteem.
Support from a partner makes a big difference. If you’re in a relationship, small actions like affirming words, compliments, or gestures of admiration can help rebuild confidence. Partners can also stand alongside in practical ways, for example, joining in wig shopping to show solidarity and care.
Professional support can be valuable too. Talk therapy may help you cope with body image changes, while couples therapy can strengthen communication and intimacy. Simple practices like mirror exercises can also encourage a healthier relationship with your changing body.
Chemotherapy can affect fertility – and family plans
Chemotherapy can have a permanent effect on fertility for both men and women, although it is more common in women. Drops in sperm count during and for a period after treatment are normal, and some men never return to normal. Chemotherapy can cause damage to eggs. Some people find worrying about their fertility makes them less interested in sex, especially men, even if they aren't currently trying to have children.
It's worth starting a conversation with your doctor about fertility preservation. For men, this generally involves freezing a sample which can be used to inseminate your partner or a future partner. For women, options include freezing eggs or embryos, or freezing part of the ovary. Different drugs have different risks, so talk to your doctor about the best treatment. If you have already had as many kids as you want, you may not care. (However, women should not assume they are infertile after chemotherapy and should continue to use contraception).
Now, for some people, ending up infertile can actually improve their sex life because it's one less thing to worry about.
Some women experience premature menopause
It's not uncommon for women who have had chemotherapy to experience premature menopause. Menstruation normally stops during treatment. In most cases, it starts up again, but even women who had cancer treatment young and returned to normal may find menopause arrives before the age of 40. If you have both ovaries removed, you will go straight into menopause. This might include hot flashes, weight gain, vaginal dryness, and your sex drive changing in either direction.
Menopause symptoms can present challenges for returning to intimacy. Hormone replacement therapy may be a long-term option. Vaginal dryness is common with chemotherapy in general, so you can want to invest in quality vaginal moisturizers and vaginal lubricants. Invest in doctor-designed external vibrators like Legato, which is designed to help improve arousal and natural lubrication without the pressure of penetration. Vibrators can help you get in the mood and want to return to having regular intercourse.
Some men experience erectile dysfunction
Not being able to get erect is also fairly common during treatment. It can be caused by overall fatigue, lack of sexual confidence, low testosterone levels, or medications you might be taking for pain or depression. In most cases, erections usually return to normal after your treatment is over. However, if you want to continue being intimate during treatment, there are many options available such as prescription ED medication, penis pump, or clinically proven erectile aids like Tenuto 2 which use vibration to help you get and maintain an erection during sex.
Outercourse can be just as satisfying as intercourse
Sexual intimacy is about so much more than penetration. And if you’re in the middle of cancer treatment, you may not be physically or mentally ready to have intercourse. Factors such as erectile issues and vaginal dryness can make penetration difficult, uncomfortable or painful. There are many ways to connect intimately with outercourse and non-penetrative activities, which can include dry humping, grinding, kissing, oral sex, and mutual masturbation.
You can still date
If you aren’t in a relationship, it can feel like dating has to wait until treatment is over. That isn’t necessarily true. Many people find that dating during chemotherapy is still possible - it just may look a little different. Being upfront about your energy levels, setting boundaries, and choosing low-pressure activities can make the experience more comfortable.
The right person will respect what you’re going through and appreciate your honesty. Even small steps, like meeting for coffee or going on a short walk, can help you feel connected and remind you that intimacy and companionship are still very much part of life. Online dating can also be a helpful option, giving you the chance to meet new people and set the pace in a way that feels safe and manageable.
Keep a sense of humor
Sex can feel awkward or unpredictable at the best of times, and treatment can sometimes add extra challenges. Approaching intimacy with a sense of humor can ease tension and remind you and your partner that not everything has to be perfect to be enjoyable.
Your sex life may change during or after chemotherapy, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. Patience, perspective, and even laughter can help you stay connected and make intimacy feel lighter and less pressured. Along the way, you may discover new ways of being close that continue to enrich your relationship long after treatment ends.
Takeaway
Chemotherapy can bring changes like fatigue, vaginal dryness, lowered libido, and shifts in body image, all of which affect intimacy. While these challenges are common, they don’t have to mean the end of a satisfying sex life. Embracing new forms of intimacy and the right support tools, like doctor-designed vibrators, can further support recovery by improving blood flow, boosting arousal, and enhancing natural lubrication, helping many people return to having a more pleasurable, and confident sex life after cancer.
