Sensual greetings, pleasure seekers. Have you been naughty or nice this year? Well, we have some mischievous Christmas sex ideas for you and your partner that will have you both begging to get into Santa’s bad books – because where’s the fun in being good?
Warning: These are in order from quite nice to seriously naughty… so, how far are you willing to go to get on the naughty list?
#1 Make a Sexy Christmas Card
Get crafty this Christmas with a naughty card to send to that special sexual someone. Add your own sexy innuendos – or if you need some inspiration, just check out this naughty Pinterest of sexy Christmas cards.
Stick a naughty (or nice) polaroid photo on the front, get all dressed up in cheeky festive gear (see #5 of our Christmas Sex ideas). Just make sure they don’t open it in front of any family members.
#2 Naughty Christmas Coupons
Inside the card add a few naughty Christmas coupons. What have you been holding back for that special snow day? Maybe your partner always wanted to explore a certain kink or fetish. Inviting a third person into the mix can be a great way to spice up the bedroom, as long as all parties consent of course. Check out some of these ways you can ask your partner for what you want in bed.
Add an expiration date too – so you make sure to get them in before the year is up!
#3 Hang Mistletoe…Everywhere
Find a place for mistletoe in every nook and cranny. Make your own mistletoe crown with a headband and attach the mistletoe to a pipe cleaner to make sure you get a kiss at every opportunity.
What type of kiss do you want? How long should it go on for? Build up the intensity. You can begin with a light peck on the cheek. By Christmas day you’ll be passionately decking the halls with your kisses.
For the extra naughty ones out there, hold the mistletoe over different parts of your body you want kissing too…
#4 Put on a Naughty Christmas Playlist
Growing up did you ever realise just how naughty Christmas songs were? “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”, “Santa Baby”, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”…?
In the old days we’d suggest making a mix-tape on an old cassette … These days Spotify has got you covered! You can either personalise one with some of your favourites, or for some inspiration check out these 14 sexy songs that will be sure to get you on the naughty list.
#5 Fancy Dress-Up (To Undress)
Ho, ho, hoe? Now this can be a lot of fun. Dressing up is a great way to turn up the heat in the bedroom. Visually stimulate your partners senses.
There’s the obvious Mr or Mrs Claus with the added strip tease to Santa Baby – hence the importance of the naughty Christmas playlist. Just take a leaf out of the Mean Girl’s choreography.
If you or your partner are into furries (the fetish for dressing up in anthropomorphic animal costumes) maybe Rudolph can guide your sleigh tonight? (See #10 for some seriously naughty Christmas sex positions).
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, turn yourself into the gift to unwrap under the tree. A simple bow across your naked body, and a cheeky smile will do.
#6 Sprinkle On Some Flavour
This is where things start getting a little more peppery. With festively flavoured lubricant, such as this Peppermint Flavoured Lube you can seductively turn him into a candy cane to lick and suck, while you jingle his balls all the way to the North Pole.
Incorporating food into the bedroom is definitely advisable. Just check out these aphrodisiac foods you can feed each other, or better yet, eat off of each other’s bodies. Are you salivating yet?
#7 Pour on the Hot Wax
Candles are essential at this time of year for providing the light and warmth in the darkness, but have you thought of incorporating wax into your sex life? Not only do they set a sensual mood, especially if you indulge in a cinnamon scented one, but the real fun comes with dripping the hot wax onto the skin.
Now to stay safe, you can’t be using any old candle. Soy candles are most commonly praised in the kink community for their low melting point (so no awkward trips to the emergency room) and doubles up as a massage oil.
“Soy is also rich in Vitamin E to leave skin soft, nourished, and rejuvenated,” says Clinical Sexologist, Sunny Rodgers.
#8 Indulge in Some Festive Porn
Okay, so you’ve rewatched all the classics – a couple of times (FYI Love Actually and The Holiday are both up on Netflix now), the milk and mince pie and carrot are out with the kids tucked up in bed, and all you want to do is get a little hot and steamy before Santa makes his rounds.
Indulging in some festive porn is sure to do the job, and here’s just a few of our favourites that by any means will get you on the naughty list…
Imagine, Father Christmas popping out of the chimney to see himself in a porno! But wait, founder of porn site Sssh.com Angie Rowntree has a kinky plot twist for our jolly old man. Check out Santa as a BDSM dominatrix, in this racy film “Silent Night”.
Anna Richards erotic films on FrolicMe are especially delicious. Try Kinky Christmas for the perfect night in. Or if you enjoy a good piece of erotica, Kinky Sexy Festive Fuck is in written form. Just be warned, you probably won’t make it to the finish, it’s just that hot.
For the more creative folk out there, if you have any festive fantasies, you can make your own home video or even confess them to Erika Lust on XConfessions to be made into a professional erotic film.
# 9 Dive into a Seasonal Sex Party
Want to get out of the house? How about “rocking around the… yule orgy?” Get a little adventurous this season and meet other naughty folk to enjoy a sinful night with. If you aren’t sure where to start looking, La Boudoir hosts a series of Synful Christmas sex parties over December in a secret location in East London.
Alternatively, the wonderful Killing Kittens host the world famous sex parties across the globe designed to “unleash your sexuality, let go of inhibitions, blossom in confidence and fulfil your sexual desires”.
Over in Sydney there’s the White Christmas Ball, or dip into London’s Hedonism. Don’t worry if you can’t get out of your family Christmas do, because there’s a Pre New Years Party too to shake off the post-Christmas blues.
#10 Festive Sex Positions With Your Vibrator
For the naughtiest Christmas of all, take the time to learn some new moves in the bedroom. Here’s some Christmas sex ideas you can “Oh Come All Yeah Faithful” to, all the way into the New Year.
For those going solo over the holidays, stimulate your G-Spot with the tip of your Crescendo, with and position the rest of the body between your labia on your clitoris. Lift your legs and cradle your body back and forth to have yourself a merry little Christmas – maybe even while your partner watches you.
Now has anyone ever told you that sex in this position actually looks like a Christmas turkey? No? Well we guarantee now you won’t be able to get that thought out of your head over Christmas dinner. Wear Tenuto and penetrate while on top with this delicious move that will leave her hungry for more.
Tired of gift wrapping yet? Why not wrap up your partner – with yourself! While your partner is sitting down, climb onto them with your nipples touching, and squeeze your thighs over theirs. Slip Crescendo in between you both, stimulating both your clitorises. Wrap them tight and watch their pleasure intensify.
Giddy-Up Buzzin’ Stud
Giddy up Rudolph, if Santa wants to deliver all those presents in time! Whilst wearing Tenuto, the wearable smart vibrator for men, straddle on top with the vibrations stimulating the clitoris, and labia as well as his groin and perineum. Lose yourself in the ride of your life.
Buzzing Booster Seat
Won’t you ride his Sleigh tonight? Have your partner sit on a chair and lower yourself onto them, penetrating you from behind. Hold Crescendo against your skin and lose yourself in the pulsating indulgence of gaining the double pleasure.
Taking your relationship to the next level? Or perhaps you’ve taken the plunge in a kinky Christmas sex party. Threesomes are pretty naughty, especially in this Snow Plough position where everyone is having fun! Position Tenuto on the penis during oral sex for an extra vibey time. For more, just check out our ten tips to have the perfect threesome.
If you are feeling extra festive, find out how to download your favourite Christmas songs onto your vibrator!
So, how naughty do you reckon you’ll you be this Christmas?