The first thing to remember is that expanding your sexual horizons is normal and not shameful. Adding a sex toy whether a cock ring, g-spot vibrator or bondage gear into your relationship can impact your relationship in the best ways from helping you to be more direct in the bedroom, to fostering a safe space to talk about kinks and desires.
However, you may feel concerned your partner will take offense from the mere mention of sex toys - so this topic should be approached carefully. By communicating to them why you want to try out a sex toy together then they should be able to see that sex toys aren’t as intimidating as initially thought.
If you aren’t already using them with your partner, but you’d really like to then here’s where to start in initiating the sex toy conversation.
Create an open dialogue about sex
Initiating the sex toy conversation can be a little difficult at first so instead of directly asking or telling them you want to bring sex toys into the bedroom - test the waters first. Create a comfortable and sex-positive dialogue with each other.
One way you could do that is by sharing a recent sexy thought (i.e. ‘I saw X the other day and I’ve been thinking I’d love to try it with you’ and emphasize the mutual journey you want to go on with your partner. Alternatively, a fun activity is to brainstorm a list of every sexual act you can think of together, then, separately, rate them according to what you would do, might do, wouldn’t do, and dare to share the answers. This is a particularly good way of getting you comfortable talking whilst finding what common ground you share with regard to your desires.
The most important aspect of this, as well as the sharing, is to be non-judgmental about what your partner shares with you. Quite often people may feel insecure about their wants, needs and desires so foster a safe and open space to talk about this. And chances are they will reciprocate this.
Initiate the conversation
Now for the conversation about bringing an adult sex toy for couples into your relationship. Make sure the timing is right, however open and spontaneous your relationship might be, it’s important not to ‘surprise’ your partner during sex by using a toy on them without their explicit consent first. This is one of the quickest ways to damage the trust in your relationship and unless someone has agreed to play with something in that specific moment, you can’t go on previous fantasy discussions as a means of ascertaining their consent.
Instead, approach the topic gently whilst you two are alone - make sure your partner feels comfortable, relaxed and open to talking. This could be after you have chatted about your wants and desires in the bedroom, suggest trying out a sex toy together for a new experience in the bedroom. It is important to make this conversation as open, honest and playful as possible.
Focus on how a sex toy will benefit both of you
The key is to focus on how a sex toy can benefit both of you, emphasize the mutual pleasure, the body exploration and the mind-blowing orgasms you can both reach with a little help. Sex toys are no longer just for women, there are plenty of vibrators for men that deliver a unique pleasure experience. Stress that rather than a sign you’re bored or unsatisfied, you’re simply looking for new ways to explore yourselves sexually and deepen your connection.
Invite your partner to think of a sex toy they’ve always liked to try and share what that is with one another. As well as being a good leveler, it’s also a fantastic opportunity to get an insight into a side of your partner you may not be aware of. You could even find out they have been wanting to try out something for a while!
Choose a sex toy with your partner
A sex toy is to enhance your time in the bedroom solo and together so get thinking. What kinds of sex do you both enjoy? Are you more anal or vaginal penetration focused? G-spot or clitoral stimulation? Do you like mutual masturbation or penetrative play? Vibration patterns or static dildo? Remote controlled or manual?
By you and your partner getting involved in the decision process the addition of a sex toy will feel like a a choice you have both made, regardless of who brought it up initially. Not to mention the excitement that comes from choosing a brand new toy and eagerly awaiting its arrival.
When it comes to actually getting down to playing with your new sex toy, depending on the dynamic of your relationship, you can either experiment with it yourself so that you can show your partner confidently what it can do, or make a point of unwrapping and exploring it together. It is important to discuss this first, as not to throw your partner off guard. Be curious about your partner’s reaction - whether they seem surprised, nervous, hesitant or raring to go, talk about what you are both feeling and let your natural reactions guide you in your adventure.
There are so many ways to play, think outside the box when it comes to trying out a sex toy. We have an entire playbook of sex positions with a vibrator with MysteryVibe pleasure products - spark your imagination and get exploring.
The fundamental thing to remember when exploring how to introduce a sex toy into a relationship is that this should be a mutual, playful experience that enhances your combined pleasure. Ask yourself, how can I expect my partner to pleasure me if they don’t know how I like to be pleasured? It’s really important that you have continuous open, honest conversations about your sex life - both what works and what doesn’t.