5 Tips On How To Send The Ultimate Sexy Message

London based dating coach Hayley Quinn shares her 5 tips on how to curate the ultimate sexy message to spark desire and leave your lover feeling hot under the collar.

Published Nov 16 2020 5 min read

Guest Post by dating coach Hayley Quinn

If you’ve just met someone you are really attracted to, how do you send them the ultimate sexy message..?

A message that both tweaks their curiosity and shows that you’re attracted to them. 

Being sexy is often about walking that line between being bold, and leaving something to be desired. 

Not to mention, that before you sext away you want to make sure you have enthusiastic consent from the other party. If they’re not jumping up to receive these messages from you then hit pause, before you hit send. 


That's why the first tip on sending a sexy message is to build up the tension, and make sure that the other person (or persons) are reciprocating before you engage further. For instance, forget sending a sexy message as the first message on a dating app (unless it’s a very specific kind of dating app). 

Not only is this respectful, but it also gives desire a time to build. Start small: say, ‘I’ve been toying with sending you something…’ or ‘I keep almost sending, then deleting, I want to make sure you’ll like it…’ to tease out a yes from the other person. 

You can also build reciprocation visually by starting to swap pictures: just make sure to start tame (think a coy picture of you in bedclothes, or coming out of the shower) to give things a chance to ramp up. 

Mix your medium 

It’s not all about the x-rated photo when it comes to sending a sexy message. Think about how you can use phone calls and voice memos to mix things up. It could be that you message your partner when they’re at work, and then ask them to make a dash to the loo, or take a walk in order to take a phone call from you.

You could have ended a hot date with a passionate embrace on your doorstep… but then think about giving them a call on their way home to let them know how much they excited you. 

Or if you’ve got a penchant for a voice note, then use it to send sound effect responses to your partner’s sexy messages. 

Send a sexy selfie 

If you are going for the traditional naughty pic, think about how you can bring it totally up to date with some cool photo styling. First think about lighting - the most important ingredient to any picture. 

‘Golden hour’ as the sun sinks below the horizon gives flattering lighting, as does facing a Windsor (watch out neighbors) or another light source like a lamp. 

Mirrors are also great to get some new angles and conceal your identity. If you’re sharing pics with a new partner it could be smart to use your phone to conceal your face in your photos. Or shoot your phone around your side, to capture your peach in the picture. This may take a few attempts to get the angle right, but the effect will be hot. 

Get feedback

Messages are only sexy if they’re two way, so as you’re messaging, make sure you keep getting feedback from your partner. This of course can be phrased in a sexy way:

Them: ‘You’re really turning me on…’

You: ‘Show me how much’

‘I want to hear you…’

Once your partner does respond, give them enthusiasm in return to keep building their confidence to play this sexy game with you. Tell them how aroused you are, and keep reinforcing that you find them sexy. 

By creating this positive feedback loop around your sexy messages, you’re going to encourage them to send them again and again. 

Be implicit as much as explicit 

There comes a stage in any sexy chat exchange where you are going to start having a conversation about what you want to put where. However, before you get to this stage, often implying what you want is sexier than outright saying it. 

This could mean you end a message with an ambiguous ‘...’ instead of ‘xxx’ or that you express your desire in a way that’s more implicit:

‘I’m starting to imagine things…’

‘Hmmm you’re starting to make me distracted - got 5 minutes?’ 

‘So about tonight: here’s what I want you to do…’ 

Often saying less and leaving room for the other person’s imagination to run wild, is what will breathe desire into your exchange, and encourage them to send you even more sexy texts. 

Have better sex