Last Reviewed: 12th September 2020
Ever found yourself chasing a thought during sex? Perhaps a work email needs responding to, or wondering what to make your friends for dinner tomorrow… nothing bursts your sex bubble quite like it! Don’t worry, we have all done it.
This is why we want to share with you how meditative mindfulness can help you focus on those intimate moments, focus on the present moment, and have great sex!
Please note: mindful sex is not goal-oriented. Putting pressure on a result tends to have the opposite effect, creating more tension in the body and ultimately reducing the chance of orgasm.
What is Sex Meditation?
Sex meditation is simply the application of mindfulness to sex, whether that’s penetrative, solo, oral, or foreplay. This can be applied through mindfulness or meditation practice and being more mindful of your sexual approach. However; it can take some practice as being mindful while practicing yoga is very different to maintaining mindfulness during sex. This means it is even more important to put your phone away and turn off those distractions- yes those emails can wait!
“A key factor in having better sex is actually being there when you’re having it.” – Sex Therapist Dr. Marsha Lucas
Benefits of Sex Meditation
Mindfulness has been statistically proven to benefit sex (whether that’s penetrative, oral, or solo) by making it easier for women to orgasm. Mindful sex helps to:
- really enjoy the moment
- get rid of distractions
- overcome insecurities by letting go of any judgment
- alleviate anxiety
- increase sexual pleasure
- have more full-body orgasms
Not only does meditation alleviate anxiety, but it also reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, which puts the body into fight or flight mode. When in this state of tension you aren’t going to be able to let go and relax, let alone orgasm.
Mindfulness also has lots of benefits for men, helping with
- premature ejaculation
- erectile dysfunction
- insecurities around sex
- sexual satisfaction
- full-body orgasms
Your Everyday Mindful Sex Practice
Having a daily meditative practice can certainly improve your ability to become more mindful during sex. Apps like Headspace and Calm can provide initial guidance, and eventually, it’ll become second nature.
Ultimately, your mindfulness practice involves bringing attention to the present using an object of focus – usually focusing on your breathing. Many seasoned meditators practice first thing when they wake up and the last thing before they go to sleep. But you can close your eyes for a few minutes to just check in with yourself whenever and wherever.
Meditation for Beginners:
- Find a comfortable position with your eyes closed.
- Follow your breath without trying to change it.
- Feel the body rise and fall with the breath.
- Focus attention back to the breath anytime you notice your mind wandering.
Don’t worry if you find it difficult at first, know that thoughts will come and go. It’s all about observing those thoughts, and then bringing yourself back to the moment, rather than getting caught up and losing your focus.
Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy and takes years of practice to truly quieten the mind.
When you feel you’ve got the hang of it, try these sensory techniques.
- Sight – First take in your surroundings – notice the colors and the shapes – and then close your eyes.
- Sounds – Listen and notice what you hear, close and far away. Let the sounds drift in and out of your consciousness.
- Touch – Take a scan of your body from the tip of your head to your toes. Notice how every part of you feels, both the comfortable and the uncomfortable.
- Breathing – Watch and notice the breath. Count to ten, one on the inhale, two on the exhale, and repeat. Every time you realize you are distracted, go back to the breath.
- Be Present – After a few rounds of breath-work (depending on how long you have) listen to any sounds again, feel the contact of the body, and gently open your eyes. Notice how your body feels, how your senses are heightened and you are totally in the moment.
How to Have Mindful Sex
Applying this mindfulness to sex comes with plenty of benefits, Dr Lori Brotto developed the “Sexual Sensations Exercise”. For sex meditation and to improve your ability to be more mindful during those intimate moments.
- Sight – Take in your surroundings. Instead of imagining the last porno you watched, watch your partner. Closing your eyes or being blindfolded can be just as hot too and heightens your 4 other senses.
- Sound – Hear your own moans and maybe even theirs too. Try listening to audio porn when you masturbate to become more aroused by sounds of sex.
- Touch – As you have done in the daily practice, body scanning from head to toe will awaken your entire body, spreading physical sensation from your core to the very edges.
- Breath – Listen to and follow your breath anytime your brain decides to take a walk down memory lane or onto tomorrow’s lunch.
- Be Present – Your focused attention should be on the sensations happening, so relax and enjoy!