Have you ever heard the phrase men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Well, it can sometimes feel like we are from different planets when women try to communicate their sexual needs with male partners.
Wouldn't it be convenient if you could simply read your partner's mind and immediately understand everything she wants and desires in bed? While we can't bestow mind-reading superpowers on you, we can provide you with the next best thing: 19 sex tips that every woman wishes men knew.
You might already be familiar with some (kudos to you!), but some of them might surprise you, and all of them are guaranteed to enhance your sex life and your partner’s pleasure. These tips aren't exclusively sex tips for guys; they are useful for anyone with a penis or a vagina who doesn't identify as a man or woman.
If you believe the movies and pop culture, only women are supposed to be vocal in bed. However, men being vocal about their sexual pleasure during the experience can be a huge turn-on for women. So gasp, moan, groan and talk dirty in her ear! Women also want to hear positive feedback from their male partners and restraining yourself vocally can sometimes make the sexual experience feel robotic and scripted. The same goes for facial expressions; keeping a straight face throughout sex can be a turn-off. This isn't to say put on a performance for your partner, but rather, feel free to deviate from any social scripts and just do and feel whatever comes naturally to you.
Aftercare is just as important as foreplay
Many sex tips for men start with discussing the importance of foreplay, and we agree, but what many listicles fail to mention is that aftercare is just as important. Sex doesn't end once physical penetration is done and you both climax. Next comes one of the best things about sex, the aftercare. Holding, cuddling, and checking in with your partner to create an intimate afterglow can not only improve emotional intimacy, but it might just lead to round two of sex. Think about a healthy sex life like a sandwich of foreplay, sex, aftercare, and repeat...
Redefine what sex means to you
When many people think of sex, they immediately visualize penetrative sex. Sex goes beyond penetration; activities like foreplay, aftercare, and making out are all a part of sex too. Expanding our definition of sex can improve the quality of sex and intimacy you share with your partner.
Get dressed up
Take a second and think about how much you appreciate seeing your partner in sexy lingerie. How much did you enjoy taking it off her piece by piece? Well, you can get in on the fun too and dress up for her, even do a little sexy cosplaying. Speak to your partner about her sexual fantasies and ask her what she'd like to see. While this isn't for everyone, many women out there will appreciate a good Magic Mike impersonation.
Ask before you try something new
If you are thinking of trying a new thing or technique, check in with your partner before you do so. While a previous partner might have enjoyed this particular thing, don't assume that your current partner will share the same tastes. Suddenly introducing something new during sex could bring things to a grinding halt if it strikes a nerve with your partner. Use your discretion as you will know your partner best, but when in doubt, ask.
There's no such thing as too much lube
Ok, there just might be, but it's better for lubricant to be used in excess than underutilized. Friction during penetrative sex can be very uncomfortable or painful for you and your partner, and that's the antithesis of pleasure.
Don't take it too seriously
Gaffes happen during sex - it’s all part of the fun! It might not be all sexy and seductive but that doesn’t mean it needs to make or break great sex. A fart might slip out here, a burp there, or an awkward bumping of body parts when trying to switch positions. It's all part of the process. Make a joke about it, laugh, and keep it going. This helps you and your partner become more comfortable with each other and increases intimacy.
Sex doesn't have to end when you climax
Biologically, men are predisposed to orgasm faster than women, but just because you've reached your apex doesn't mean your partner has, or that sex needs to be over. Make sure to check in with your partner about her needs. Understandably, there is a refractory period for most men, but as we mentioned above, penetrative sex isn't the only type of sexual stimulation at your disposal. Use your hands and mouth, go down on her, and touch her everywhere until she is sexually satisfied too. Reciprocal pleasure is sexy. And hey, you might become erect much quicker than expected during this process, just in time for another round.
Resist the temptation to switch gears
If you notice your partner is enjoying a particular position or pace, resist the temptation to suddenly switch positions. Don't quicken the pace or change the position; keep doing precisely what you are doing. It might take some time, but she's most likely building up to an intense orgasm, so stay the course.
Build up the anticipation
Edging is a great technique you can try out with your female partner to build anticipatory pleasure and ultimately give her a stronger orgasm. It involves bringing your partner to the brink of climax several times without letting her go over the edge until she can't possibly take it anymore. When she finally does orgasm, it will be an explosion of pleasure from all the build-up.
Don't focus on the orgasm as the end goal
Don't get us wrong, getting your partner to climax is great, but focusing on achieving an end-goal while having sex can take away from the pleasure of the process. Focus on satisfying your partner through various erogenous zones during sexual activity. Not sure where to start? Watch her body language and look into her eyes as you run your hands up and down her body, gauging her reactions to different types of stimulation.
Go slow with foreplay
Ever had a long, steamy make-out session in the car with your date before dropping her off? Can you remember how hot and bothered you were on the drive home? If sex had been on the menu, it would have been fantastic. Now recreate this delicious sexual tension every time you have sex with your partner; it's your secret weapon to enhance your partner's sexual satisfaction. Extend foreplay; let it be long and drawn out until you are both on the brink of explosion before introducing penetrative sex. There are many female erogenous zones outside the vagina, and focusing on those during foreplay can also lead to different types of female orgasms. There are many forms of foreplay, from nipple stimulation to sensual massage.
Foreplay doesn't only happen in the bedroom
We often associate foreplay with the physical events right before penetrative sex, but in actuality, foreplay is anything that cultivates anticipation and sex drive. From the moment sex ends to right before it begins again is all a window of opportunity to build anticipation. Perhaps you were out dancing with your partner and rubbing up on each other all night. Or you had spent the entire day apart exchanging sexy texts and pictures. These scenarios are all examples of foreplay and are essential to cultivating and maintaining great sexual relationships.
Bring in the sex toys
Sex toys are typically associated with female pleasure, and for good reason; they are incredible tools that help close the orgasm gap, which mostly affects heterosexual women. Using female vibrators increases blood flow leading to more lubrication and heightened sensations. However, we've come a long way from the first vibrators, and sex toys come in all shapes and sizes now to seriously enhance the sexual experience for both of you. Sex toys for couples make it possible for both of you to be stimulated at the same time during penetrative sex.
Pay attention to the clit!
While every woman is different, most would agree that it's all about the clitoris. Studies show that only 18.4% of women climax from penetrative sex and internal stimulation alone. The numbers don't lie - most women either need or seriously appreciate clitoral stimulation. Cunnilingus is a timeless method of pleasuring the clitoris. However, if you or your partner prefer, this is where female sex toys can come in handy (no pun intended) for arousing that crown jewel.
More oral sex, please!
Everyone appreciates oral sex, yet the emphasis on oral sex seems to lie on male pleasure versus female pleasure. A study of men and women in heterosexual relationships found that women are more than twice as likely to offer their partners oral sex than the reciprocal. Oral sex is a selfless and considerate act that acknowledges your partner's pleasure, and that kind of consideration is sexy. Give her toe-curling orgasms with these oral sex tips for men.
Get your fingers involved during oral sex
Speaking of oral sex, while the focus of oral sex is using your mouth and tongue, introducing your fingers can add to different types of stimulation to the experience. You could slide a finger or two into her vagina, depending on what she's comfortable with, as you use your tongue to stimulate her clitoris. You can go fast or slow; pay attention to how her body responds to figure it out. You can also bring in a G- spot vibrator to diversify sensations and give her dual pleasure. Depending on your dexterity, you can also massage her breasts or play with her nipples, arousing multiple erogenous zones at once to really play up the pleasure.
Eye contact is key
Eyes are the windows to the soul, they say. Gazing into each other's eyes during sex is an incredibly intimate act and can elevate the experience for both of you. Looking into each other's eyes is a great way to gauge how your partner is feeling. Feelings of pleasure, pain, or discomfort can all be seen on the face. Eye contact helps you keep in tune with their emotions and is a good way to receive non-verbal feedback.
Communicate often; communicate well
Our last tip might be the most important: communicating often and well. Research shows that couples who communicate have better sex lives than couples who don't. While these sex tips are a great start to improving your sex life, each woman is unique and has individual needs. Talk to your partner often and openly about sex. Ask her what she likes and dislikes, and ask her about her fantasies and fears. Some people find it difficult to talk openly about sex. There are many different methods for opening the conversation about discussing sexual fantasies and desires, like the sexy show and tell method or creating a cheeky questionnaire with questions like 'did you enjoy when I nipped at your earlobes'. Not only will this give you great insight into how she's feeling about sex it can also serve as foreplay for the next time.
Men who are willing to increase their knowledge about how to please their partner’s is a massive turn on. So, we applaud you for taking the step to educate yourself, and your partner will too. While this list is a good starting point, it is by no means exhaustive. The best way to learn how to be a better sexual partner is always to ask.